Outside the rule book…
I remember riding back from school in this school bus with other kids my age and some way younger or slightly older than me. I always noticed this particular kid from one of the junior sections who at times would occupy the seat in front of me. He was noticeably mischievous and hyperactive. The striking part was that in every part of the skin below the level of his mid thigh where his shorts ended would be huge blebs and burn marks.
I remember coming home and narrating the same to my mother. I remember other kids gawking at him and mentioning in passing how naughty a lad he is. It could have been very well an accident but I somehow had the feeling that it was his harried parents or parent ‘disciplining’ him. I thought so because he came to school everyday with those fresh burn wounds unattended for.
I were to notice more such examples growing up. ‘Abuse’ was the method used for toughening up people. To push your boundaries and test what you would and would not tolerate. To threaten you either subtly or blatantly to see if you would fold. If you are not the kind to get blackmailed, they just made your existence a living hell until you gave in. Less of workplace culture and more of concentration camp.
I see the same in social situations too. To quote an example, There is a family with an adopted kid in the neighborhood along with three full grown dogs. A kid as little as age 4 would be physically abused and yelled and threatened for something as simple as toilet training and being given a bath. The little munchkin would be home alone post midnight while the family went to feed strays. Animal lovers are great but not the one’s who lack basic humanity along with.
The three dogs would be taken for a walk at least once a day while the kid stayed locked inside. I hear her ride her bicycle inside the house, at times post midnight. The parents could be termed ‘antisocial’ to say the least, a quality evident to the entire neighborhood. In such instances, I feel as though the kid has been adopted to serve something of their own agenda and not because they are capable of loving someone else’s kid or any kid or a fellow human being for that matter. The physical abuse reduced only after police intervention initiated by the family members of yours truly and pressured by the rest of the occupants.
Such things would be criminal in some other countries. The lady would have lost her adoption rights by now. I wonder what will happen to the kid if I change places. Yet another damaged kid in the making here.
I hear stories of the same even in institutions where the premise is law and order and defense and safety. I have read and heard instances of both men and women in uniform being abused by their seniors(including and not limited to sexual abuse)in many parts of the world and the matter not being taken cognizance of even after being reported. Personnel quitting or living with PTSD. There are documentaries on the same. Irrespective of what reasons someone has, there should be a red line one should not cross. You cannot camouflage abuse as ‘discipline’ and breaking someone as ‘building character’.
I am not the least bit ashamed to say that I have had my own share of ‘MeToo’ moments and it was something I made sure to emphasize on not tolerating. I have always reported it-more than once. You could be anybody in any capacity, but you do not get the right or have the audacity to breach my modesty and personal sovereignty. When they are hard of hearing, I put it in writing. I could have escalated matters, but chose to give the authorities a chance for course correction instead. People have their tactics when ‘regular measures’ do not work. I have my way of dealing with them.
To sum it up, when you step outside the rule book remember that there is a fine line between challenges and cruelty, between disciplining and abuse, between joking and bullying, between chastising and condescension, between shaping and breaking a person. The former helps build character and the latter reveals yours.
