That bitter half…
I will start with a disclaimer. I am no relationship expert at least in the romance department but I do understand what a healthy relationship should look and feel like whether that is in between friends/ spouses/ friends of spouses/sibling/parent child.
I believe a strong relationship is always based on mutual trust and openness. I have never understood jealousy as an emotion. I have been upset and been sad but never jealous when it comes to personal equations. I believe a friendship or even a romantic relationship will stand it’s ground if it is meant to be and if the equation between the two individuals concerned is mutually respectful.
Possessiveness as I mentioned in my earlier post is just added stress. People will remain true to their core value system irrespective of how much freedom they are given or how much they are confined. If you have to go through your entire life wondering if your better half is straying, you have already screwed it up.
Not just that, do the other people involved like your spouse himself/herself not find it disrespectful when their intentions and character is put to question everyday so much that you feel the need to put a leash on them? The same applies to helicopter parents. You aren’t doing your child any good by hovering over them 24/7 and controlling every facet of their existence. There isn’t anything wrong with your kid being slightly more independent or even fudging up now and then(not in a criminal way of course)but your dismal parenting skills need a serious overhaul.
Relationships, at least the important ones should come with a feeling of security. Insecurity is less about the dynamics of a relationship and more about what you are made of as a person. I personally do not find it healthy being in this constant fear of rejection. If your spouse truly loves and respects you, they will know better than to screw up something beautiful they have with their partner and if in case they do, they just don’t care enough. Either way it would be time to keep your head high and move on.
I do not believe in holding on to people who do not respect me enough to choose not to put me through an unnecessary emotional turmoil. I would rather believe I deserve better. I am not someone to lose my mind over it either. The only thing that would disturb me is if I do something to violate my own conscience. I am not responsible for carrying the burden of everybody else’s misdeeds/insecurities. I have learned to love myself more than that and so should everybody.
When I find over possessive spouses/partners/friends, I find it really amusing and pitiful. I would want my spouse to have all the friends in the world and be friends with his friends and vice versa. When two people come together your world and possibilities should expand and not shrink. At least I hope to be a better half and not a bitter half.
Same would apply to parenting. It’s not just your spouse in the later half of your life but your parents too who make up the better half of your growing up years. I do not agree that strict parents make better children or leniency spoils them. In fact I do not think it is about being either. It is about nurturing your child with the right value system of respect, trust, kindness and compassion. Your child should one day choose to do the right thing out of love and respect for you and not require it to be spanked into them.
I am not a parent and you could argue what do I know about parenting. However I am somebody’s child and have known other kids around me. So I suppose I can have my perspective.
Some children who get punished only end up passing the baton of trauma to the next generation and some others turn out to be the polar opposite of their parents with exceptional kindness and compassion. I guess different kids imbibe lessons differently. Some would say spanking did them good while some thrive in a loving environment rather than being in this perennial fight/flight/fright mode.
If your child turns out fine after you do everything to sabotage their well being, trust me the credit should go to the child and not to your parenting style. You just got lucky. Anomalies like children turning out great after being abused and some others turning delinquent after being loved beyond measure have nothing to do with your parenting style or the lack of it. It is just them despite you.
