The confrontation dilemma…
In the battle ground of Kurukshetra, Arjuna stood with his chariot stationed such that he could clearly see the people he was set to fight against. He being the righteous man he was, is torn between his mission to win back his lost glory and the immense love that he has for his brothers, his Guru Dronacharya and his beloved grandfather, Bheeshma. Preceding the war, the Pandavas were stripped to the bare minimum and yet Arjuna in all his naivety tells Lord Krishna that for him, righteousness isn’t about winning back wealth and his lost glory, but to make sure that he doesn’t shed the blood of his own near and dear ones including the ones he so adores and respects.
Krishna however reminds him of the fallacy of his argument and why it is important for him to get back up and fight. He admonishes Arjuna, the exalted warrior for being weak in the face of adversity and letting his emotional self get the better of him.
You see, sometimes war is the only solution for lasting peace. No negotiations, no kind of surrender and no amount of kingdom relinquished will achieve what you desire. Majority of times, the way out of a problem is confronting the problem. It is about nosediving through the muck and coming out on the other side victorious.
(Obviously I am speaking of personal battles here. On the broader world stage it is a lot murkier than what meets the eye.)
Like many others, I hate confrontation. It spoils my mood and turns into a shit show for everyone else watching the drama. Also I spend an awful lot of time then thinking of ways of how I could have dealt with it better or if I really dislike them, then maybe how I could have made them feel shittier.
To quote a recent example I recently caught someone I know steal from my doorstep. I couldn’t bring myself to call the person out initially because honestly I was embarrassed for him/her. And when I finally did, I got gaslighted instead. That is when I decided to forgo all niceties and give the person a piece of my mind.
However, now I study the room I am in. Am I dealing with people just as reasonable or people who are hell bent on driving me up the wall? So I start off with my saintly self, kind and considerate and allow the opposite party every benefit of doubt. After the first strike however my suspicion radars go up. I absolutely loathe my trust being abused and taken for a merry ride to hokum kingdom and when it does, that is when I decide to confront. One’s actions have to match their words. I have only so much patience with humbug.
I know of CEO’s of institutions who have swindled huge amounts of money after already being paid handsomely which then put the trustees and the founding fathers in a dilemma as how to confront someone they were so close to. Finally, they did fire the said person like eventually everybody does when their own survival is at stake.
If you have watched the movie, ‘Up in the Air’, George Clooney is entrusted with this job of firing employees in various capacities in various organizations because everybody else dreads doing the dirty work. In other words, they are uncomfortable with confronting the employees getting fired when it is very likely that their hotchpotch of emotions will get the better of them. It is always easier that a stranger swing the axe than someone known to you.
It is not whether you steal something worth 60 Rs or 60 million, it is the trust deficit that is incurred in the process. It is pointless lamenting about it and asking ‘Why me? and “After everything I have done for them.” When your empathetic self will consider and reconsider whether to call someone out and risk them embarrassment, the same people will be corroding away your life’s earnings, your goodwill and your trust with zero regard for you.
I recently heard the legendary writer and lyricist Mr Javed Akhtar say this on a podcast. “Fishing is one of the most tranquil experiences. It doesn’t raise objection from animal lovers as much as killing an other animal for for a sport does. That is because fishes do not shriek even when they are dying an agonizing death. Hence their agony does not penetrate your conscience or stir up those of anybody else’s. The bottom line being that if you do not speak up and do not confront your enemies, people will take the pleasure of killing you in tranquility.” (paraphrased)
The Kauravas were ready to battle to the finish, Arjuna’s finish, the Pandava’s finish and to the finish of righteousness/dharma. People who abuse the faith you have placed in them especially when you are right, do not deserve your kindness and compassion. You seldom realize that your opponents do not have the same empathy. They will harm you till the very end if given a chance. Krishna understood this.
In a cut throat man eat man world, the greatest righteous duty one has is towards one’s own self preservation. Putting it simply, either you confront what dharma requires of you, however uncomfortable the situation or you perish.
*****This is my hundredth post here on Medium in the last one year******* Cheers!
