The fallacy of forgiveness…
Let me narrate to you a tale…This is going to get dark…
Once upon a time a bunch of thugs planned a ghastly crime. They then executed it via proxies. However they never wanted to be branded as criminals because for the world they were the epitome of perfection. It was important that they save face. So, they decided to play a game instead.
A game of branding.
They would not need to butcher to destroy. They would do it more inconspicuously thus not shining the focus light on to them. They would carefully get hold of the victim’s image and destroy it bit by bit over the years. They wouldn’t physically attack them, but would tarnish the target’s goodwill stealthily in the most criminally non criminal way.
The idea being that when the edifices of their reputation collapse, the victims would inadvertently pin the blame on to themselves without quite comprehending the mightier scheme behind the seemingly innocent facade. That could be achieved in multiple ways. Either by gaslighting them (tampering with their memory and making them question their own reality), sabotaging their formative years, negatively branding them with respect to the other facets of their social existence or a mix of all of the above.
Branding is all over if you care to notice. Take world leaders for example. The left wing in the USA won’t leave a stone unturned when it comes to bashing President Trump. If you lose your job, you blame him. If someone misbehaves, it is because he has set the precedent. If he wants to build a wall to curb illegal immigration, he is automatically a racist, more specifically a white supremacist. If your fart smells, you still blame him because someone has told you that it is easy and okay to blame him.
The fun fact is, racists are not just white. They come in all colors.
Same goes for President Putin. How many have actually studied the real cause behind the Russia-Ukraine conflict? How many have gone back to it’s history and tried to decode matters? Every time The President gives an American journalist an interview, whether it was with Mr Oliver Stone in 2016 or now with Tucker Carlson in 2024, all he tries to bring to the fore are objective facts, but you will still have a bunch of the Mainstream Media in the USA branding him as the proverbial devil.
How many of us have gone to the nitty-gritties of the Israel Hamas war? No, we are quick in taking sides. Outrage on either side without a solution sounds cool. Why bother about facts.
How you talk to people and about people many a times determines how they perceive themselves and how the world perceives them. To get to the bottom of the plot and unravel the truth takes time and that can help you change how you perceive yourself. To realize that you were more capable than you were made to believe you were. As for people’s perception, that never mattered anyway. It is difficult to change firmly held beliefs unless there are ones who want to get to the depth of the matter.
People will vent their frustration on you without bothering to find the truth. Most people need a release. Finding the truth is cumbersome and inconvenient and sometimes more dangerously, it is deliberate.
I don’t know how many of you have watched the movie ‘Tare Zameen Par’? It is the story of a dyslexic kid who struggles with his academics in school until he meets a teacher who goes on to change his life. There is one scene in the movie that stood out to me above all else. One in which his teacher schools the child’s father about the power of one’s words and actions. He says that when a bunch of aborigines on a certain island want to fell a tree, they do not axe it down. They only stand around it and curse it in the most despicable way until one day the roots rot and the tree falls to the ground by itself.
I recently read an article here on Medium about what is referred to as the ‘Self fulfilling prophecy’ and an other article which used the term ‘family scapegoating’. Both of these have a connection to each other and to what I have mentioned previously. In the latter, the family decides to project the blame on one member of the family whom they sideline for their own vested reasons, usually to save face and most often have an other favorite. They then act and work in ways to make their agendas come true.
If the kid does turn out to be his/her subpar self, they will go on to pat themselves on their backs and say “I told you so” thus fulfilling their own crafted and curated prophecy for the kid. They have indirectly fulfilled what they hoped for without tarnishing their own image. If, on the other hand they do not quite achieve what they set out to, they dismiss and refuse to acknowledge all the achievements of their kid.
That begs the question. How much and how long should one forgive? Also, what all should one forgive? I was a champion for forgiveness because I always felt that peace begins when the olive branch is first extended by you. One has to curb one’s ego to have a chance at truce. For eg: Would you forgive an accident or a crime? I would. There is a reason why accidents are called accidents. They aren’t deliberate. Would you however forgive someone who plans and schemes to run over you both literally and figuratively? Or something intended to cause deep humiliation? That is not an accident. It is a deliberate offense. Does that deserve forgiveness?
They say, ‘To err is human and to forgive is divine’. However, a crime is not an error and to forgive a deliberate crime as I have realized over the years, is a recipe and impetus for further criminal behavior. Honestly, I would even forgive a crime if the person in question truly repented their actions and negotiated a fair deal. But, when you have the audacity to not just cover it up, but also play your Machiavellian games to try and do everything to sabotage a person’s existence, does that warrant forgiveness?
The problem with people is that when they reach a certain pedestal of power and/ or money, they start believing that they are infallible. While I believe that the universe and it’s plans are larger than any of us.
I don’t judge people on the basis of how they treat people when they become a somebody. I judge them on how they treat a seeming ‘nobody’. If how you are when no one is watching is the test of your character, then how you behave when you know you will not be held accountable is the true test of your integrity.
So please do not give me sermons on integrity, liberty, equality blah blah. If anything, some of you have failed miserably in all of them.
PS: I don’t write fiction…
