Ticking boxes…
Most of us have our To do lists in our daily/weekly/monthly planners and we pride ourselves on ticking those boxes with each accomplished task. It is one way of being highly efficient for people who are on their go all the time. This extends to other arenas of our life too like career goals where we pat ourselves on the back for every milestone completed and eagerly await the next one.
Unlike in the work place where you have to be in sync with everybody around you, I do not understand when people start ticking boxes in their personal lives and live by a timeline. Why should there be a specific age to get married and have kids? I understand that our biological clock is ticking away but personal goals aren’t like another item in your ‘To buy grocery list.’
It is I suppose an Indian thing to interfere in people’s personal preferences. When do you plan to get married? was a question that plagued me since I was all of 23. I always found it annoying to say the least. I was always of the opinion that I would get hitched only if I truly liked someone not because everybody around me was going for it.
I guess priorities change over time. Then it was career goals which took it’s own sweet time and still is. I thought getting married would be an added distraction at the time and I also had no one in my life at the point. So, it was pretty much a no brainer as to what I wanted to do. Needless to add that I wanted my head and heart clear before diving into something premature. That is taking it’s own sweet time too.
I always hated the concept of arranged marriages though that is the prevalent norm in India. How do you decide to spend your life with someone you know nothing about? For someone like me who is picky, that sure seemed like an unappealing option. But again I realize that maybe arranged marriages are just a platform to meet people whom you would otherwise never meet because you are geographically apart. Maybe they will be more in sync with your core values than somebody around you.
Also there is no set rule. I see failed love stories and an equal number of failed arranged liaisons. There is no one size fits all when it comes to relationship dynamics. Strangely in India, finding your own partner is still frowned upon in many circles or reluctantly agreed to. Some sort of pseudo honor being the obstacle to an otherwise perfect union. Here we have castes, sub castes, sub sub castes and to tick all the boxes and also find an apt and wonderful partner which is probably last in the list of priorities for certain families is like hitting that golden jackpot.
I had relatives ask me as to when they could attend my big fat Indian wedding, until they realized it was a lost cause to pursue and hung up their boots. I had aunts and uncles swear that they would not let their kids, my cousins get hitched until the day I did and then they gave up on that idea too. So I just attend everybody’s wedding and get asked the same stupid questions all the time though my close friends and family know better than that by now.
I had my own reasons for delaying the process, an explanation I owe no one including my own family. I was never starved of choices, I just consciously chose not to. I will tick the box too when I feel like it not because I have to. And someday, I surely want to.
